Pain And Insanity
by Im Hiding From Haters
Summary: Lately Lloyds thoughts have been taking dark turns, he tortures himself mentally. He gets worse and worse and the symptoms become more clear but no one seems to notice. They all see that he's losing weight but no one has seen the bandages that always appear when his sleeves ride up. They think everything is ok but they don't know the poor boy is slowly driving himself insane.
1. Chapter 1

**TW: Suicide attempt and Self harm. He's 13 in this fic by the way, I think that might be different since last time he looked about 16 so you know.**

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Lloyd sighs shakily and takes out a familiar silver blade, he grinned softly as he dragged it across his wrist. He'd make another gash but why did it matter? He opened a deep cut that he had made just yesterday, it began to bleed and he simply watched the blood go down his arm and onto the pure white tile floor. The youth took a shaky breath and let out a sob as his own torturing thoughts attacked him.

'_You're such a idiot!'_

_ 'Is it so hard for you to go one day without screwing up?!'_

_'They won't miss you__, just die__!'_

He started trembling and in a desperate attempt to dull the pain, he rolled up his pant leg and dug into the pale skin with the blade. The ninja couldn't help but hiss in pain as he cut but really he felt immense relief and for a minute he had a feeling of euphoria.

The pain stopped crashing into him and he sighed in relief, after all this was better then the emotional pain and feeling absolutely nothing at all. He sighed sadly, what was wrong with him? He needed help, he knew it but what was he supposed to do? Go up to his uncle and say "I want to kill myself, can you help me?" No, it was better to deal with it himself, he didn't need to bother anyone with his stupid problems.

His former euphoria was replaced with emptiness and he despised the feeling more then anything else. Though he didn't have any more time to ponder it since Zane started knocking at the door. "Lloyd, are you in there?" He gasped under his breath and started to wipe up the pool of blood with a washcloth he had already put in water, he quickly turned on the water. "Yeah, j-just a second."

Zanes concerned voice said back, "Lloyd ,are you ok?" Lloyd sighed quietly and lowered his voice, "I'm fine Zane, go away." He didn't hear footsteps indicating he had left and the ninja swiftly hid the knife under a tile that he pulled out, he placed it in the small hole. Then he bandaged his wrist and his leg before standing up and opening the door. He was met with the white ninjas face, Zane looked at his red, puffy eyes and frowns, "Are you ok?" The boy gave him a crooked smile, "I'm fine just having a rough day. Don't worry about me." He lied through his teeth and managed to compose himself well enough.

The older ninja didn't lose the concerned look in his eyes but he nodded and walked up back to the deck. Lloyd sighed in relief and collapsed onto his bed. He scolded himself mentally, 'You idiot! Do you realize how close that was?! Be more careful, do you want them to find out?!' He growled, "Go away." Thankfully the voice went away but it'd be back, it always came back.

Lloyd stood shakily to his feet and made his way to the deck. Kai frowned at him, "Took you long enough." He looked down and muttered, "I'm sorry." The red ninja shrugged, "Whatever lets just start training ok?" The youth nodded and they started to train but Lloyd wasn't paying attention, he had no choice but to keep looking at the figure in the corner of the room. Like always he came back, HE wasn't someone else, he is Lloyd but the darker side of him. The part that's cruel, evil and mean. Cole called out, "Lloyd! Pay attention."

He couldn't, he was mesmerized with the illusion but cautious. At the end of the training session, Lloyd ran back to the room and locked himself in the bathroom. He couldn't hide from Him. He always found him and he will never leave. After all his mind never stopped torturing him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! I'm back with another chapter I thought I would end this story with one chapter but I was like what the hey? Then I started writing, if you're reading I hope you actually like it. Enjoy and if you did review and favorite, I will love you for it!**

Lloyd sighed as he stared down at his plate, his fork making a slight scraping noise as it scratched the plate. Cole frowned and said firmly, "Eat something Lloyd." The youth shook his head and muttered, "Not hungry." Jay joined in, "Maybe you should, you've been really pale today and you've kinda losing a lot of weight." Irritation began to form as he listened to the two, he snapped, "I'm fine, leave it alone!" He pushed the bowl away and stood up, he headed out to the deck. Lloyd huffed but a second later he started to feel slight guilt form.

_HE_ came back as the guilt grew and he sighed sadly, '_Is that all it takes? I really am weak aren't I?' _HE smirked and his voice rung in his ears, "Already called me back Lloyd?" Lloyd managed a scowl despite his ever growing fear and guilt, _'I didn't call you, I NEVER call you.' _

HE frowned and said confidently, "You may not call me Lloyd, but in a way you do. You're pain and guilt always bring me back." HIS tone turned cold, "It's your fault that I always come back, not mine."

Lloyd turned away and tried to blink away the tears that suddenly started to pool in his eyes, 'What's wrong with me?!' HE smiled coldly and said with a mocking tone, "You're crazy, that's whats wrong with you. Once they find out about me, they'll lock you up and leave you. You know that, you've always known that. Why else do you try so hard to keep me away?" Lloyd grit his teeth and shut his eyes tightly as he tried to keep the tears at bay, "L-leave me a-alone."

HE smiled sadly and he looked at Lloyd with something that looked almost like pity, "You know I can't on my own, you know how to make me leave." Lloyd nodded and sighed shakily, he stood up and made his way to the bathroom. Once he was in he locked the door and sat on the cold tile floor.

Lloyd shakily took out the blade from under the tile, he put it against his wrist and put pressure on it until it finally began to bleed. Lloyd watched the crimson blood fall down his arm, staining some of the green sleeve and turning it red. The ninja looked up and grinned when the HE disappeared at last. Lloyd raised the blade and brought it down to his other wrist. By now he was sobbing quietly and unfortunately he wasn't paying attention to his bleeding.

Lloyd looked down at his arm and his eyes widened in shock when he saw the large puddle of blood forming on the floor. There was knocking at the bathroom door and Coles voice came through the door, "Lloyd, are you ok in there?" Lloyds voice came out scratchy and weak as he spoke, "Help." Coles alarmed voice called back, "Help? What's happening in there? Lloyd!" Before he could say anything back he passed out from the blood loss and fell into the blackness.

The ninja yelled, "Lloyd, I'm coming in!" He crashed through the door and looked at him in horror. Cole almost yelled at the sight of all the blood and the pale boy passed out on the floor.. "Call for help!" The black ninja looked down at the boy and said mournfully, "Dammit Lloyd why?" Zane came running through the door, "What happened-" He froze before he could finish and stared at the horrible scene in front of him, he said his voice somehow cracking, "They're coming soon..."

**In the next chapter we'll get to the hospital, hope you actually liked this one, if you didn't don't flame!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm so so so sorry this took so long but I finally have a idea for the update so I really hope you actually enjoy, read it and review if you like anything!**

It wasn't easy to look at, his extremely pale, sickly skin faded into the pure white sheets, he looked like a ghost. You could see his dark blue veins stick out of his wrists making the scars even more prominent. The youth looked so peaceful sleeping as if his thoughts and dreams weren't haunted by terrible images and whispers. Of course he fooled them for a while, pretending he was ok, that he was simply so happy.

Nothing was perfect and nothing was ok, they shoud have seen it, why didn't they? Now in retrospect it was obvious all along, why couldn't they have just recongized the signs? Maybe even seen the scars that was scattered all over his body, if they had maybe they wouldn't be here right now. Maybe he wouldn't have tried to kill himself, maybe he would've even gotten better. It's too late to think of that now, they're already here and it has already happened.

All they could do now was try with all their strength to make it better. Now they just have to wait for him to wake up. The boy shifted in his sleep, shaggy blonde hair falling into his eyes as he did so, he mumbled a few things before his eyes finally fluttered opened and revealed dark green orbs.

He adjusted in his bed and sat up, he looked at the two at his bedside sheepishly, not finding anything good to say he muttered, "Hi." His mother looked at him with red puffy eyes, "Why would you do this to yourself?" Lloyd couldn't find it in himself to answer so he looked down at his sheets as if they were the most interesting things in the world.

Sensai Wu came to his side and put his hand on his nephews shoulder, "Get better my nephew." Lloyd nodded and looked up at him to see a mournful look in his eyes. Lloyd turned away, starting to feel ashamed for what he had done. A young nurse came into the room, "I'm sorry but your ten minutes is done, it's the next groups turn."

The two nodded and stood, they exited the room leaving the two chairs by his bed momentarily empty. Next Kai and his father came into the room. "Hi Kai, hi Dad." Kai sat in one of the chairs, guilt in his eyes and a apologetic smile. He pulled out a envelope and handed to the younger boy, most likely filled with a get better card. His father went to his side, "I'm sorry son." Lloyd looked down, "It's not your fault Dad." He wanted to argue, of course he had something to do with it, he was his father for Gods sake! He should have done something but he stayed quiet, it wasn't the time.

For the next few minutes, they sat in silence, thankfully it was comfortable. They stayed like that until the same young female nurse came in and asked the two to leave so the next group could come in. Next Jay and Nya came in and sat down by his bedside like the two groups before.

With every visit he felt worse, what had he done? Truly he had done nothing wrong, he was just in too much pain but that didn't help dull the horrible guilt that was forming inside him. Nya frowned, "I can see what you're doing to yourself. I'm sorry I didn't before." The green ninja shrugged and looked up at her, "I'm not doing anything Nya."

Jay looked at him seriously, nothing like his usually funny, carefree self, "You can't keep blaming yourself for everything Lloyd. It's not your fault." Lloyd sighed helplessly and looked back down, "Yes it is." Jay frowned, "Don't do that." A different nurse came in, this one looked indifferent. She told them their time was up and quickly left.

The two got up hesistantly to leave, "Just remember we care about you ok?" With that they left. The last group was Zane and Cole, like everyone before them they sat by his side. Cole smiled softly, "Hey kiddo." You could see his guilt and sadness but he focused on Lloyd. Lloyd muttered, "Hey." He felt uncertain if he should keep talking but he couldn't help it, "Kid, you really scared me back there. You were just lieing there and there was just so much blood. Please just don't try to do that again, I'll miss you."

Lloyd was stunned after the small speech but he nodded and didn't say anything else. After that Zane began to talk, "What happened to you Friend?" The youth looked away, "I don't like to talk about it ok Zane?" He felt like he needed to push but he had just woken up, he'd ask later. "Ok Lloyd, I won't push but I need a answer Lloyd."

The blond nodded and leaned back into his bed. Another nurse came in and again asked them to leave. Once they'd left Lloyd sighed in relief. A minute later a doctor came in and handed him water and a pill, "What's this?" The doctor gave him a hard stare, "Prozac at twenty milligrams, you need to take it." Lloyd frowned, "I don't need medication, I'm not crazy." The doctors gaze softened, "You may not be crazy but you still need to take it." Lloyd sighed and took the pill and gulped down some water.

HE came back as soon the doctor walked out, "That medicine may help you Lloyd but it won't make me go away." Lloyd grit his teeth, "I know, I know..." With that HE smirked and sat by his side. "Face it Lloyd, you'll never really get better. No matter what I'll always come back." Lloyd sighed and tried to keep out the rest of the voices but it wouldn't work. He wouldn't die soon enough, no matter how much he wanted to...

**THE END!**


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